God Ranger, it sounds like you're going through hell. But Lou's right, you've got a whole pile of people here who hope it gets better and wish they could help.

I've known a lot of people who have lived for a time in their own form of your darkness. It's different every time, but the pitch black imagery rings a lot of bells. Almost all of them have made it out, given time and good people to talk to. The ones that stay in the dark are the ones that start to need it. The ones who let it define them. And that's as honest an answer as I can give you here. There's light, if you want it, even if you can't see it at the moment.

Take care of yourself as best you can for now,

G