I had the VERY unfortunate occasion to call my girlfriend by my ex-girlfriend's name right as I was beginning to climax.

Years ago, when I was just starting to date this girl, we were having a few (too many) cocktails at a club. I was holding her hand and looking directly into her eyes. I lifted her hand to kiss the back of it, but in my intoxicated stuper I ended up kissing the back of my own damn hand instead of hers. It was very embarrassing, but we both got a few good laughs out of that one.

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.