You can, of course, be a tricky bastard and try Plan B.

Slowly, sneakily, with small touches and nicenesses, lead her back into a tactile relationship. Sitting on the couch holding hands, date nights and anything to lead her gently to the dark side.

It will take time and blue balls the size of basketballs, but if she's worth it, you'll do it.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating