Spin!
 

How about this for a game:

Someone posts a question on perhaps a statement.

The next person posts a "politicians" answer/responce and then a question/statement of their own.

eg question: "Why were your flies undone when i walked in on you watching baywatch?"


answer: "You should be pleased my flies were undone beacuse it demonstrates that i don't wish to waste any time should you require my attention (wink). Is is pure coincedence that David hastlefoff was running across the creen in slomo while wearing only his skimpy red swim-shorts at this particular time."

and the next question

"Why do you keep smiling at that cute young waitress/waiter?"

Answer: I always believe that we who are servants of the public, must be especially vigilant in demonstrating our affection for our constituents in the service industries.

Question: What color shorts/panties do you prefer?

Answer: am a great believer in equal opportunities.... i love all panties as long as they are around your ankles

question: is it true that you were caught solisiting for sex at the public toilets in the park?

Answer: I campaigned on a platform of cleaning up our public facilities, and I will return again and again to investigate until we succeed!


Question: Why do you miss so many days while the legislature is in session?

Answer: Taking time to research the great issues facing us today is an essential part of the job of serving the folks back home.

Question: How do you feel about life, the universer and everything?

IAnswer : think you will find it is not what i think that is important - i am merely here to echo the voice of the electorate.

Question: Yes or no - have you or have you not, ever had sex with a call gorl? (gorl?... must be from new york, i mean girl)

Answer: No and yes. On the night in question I believe I was in fact in the presence of a girl who was called however I adamantly deny being the one to place such a call.


Question: What would it cost me to get a plaster cast of your penis to sell on eBay?

Answer: although i would take no personal gratification from such an activity normally, i can see that a suitable donation could be made to charity. And if you could ensure the cast is of a suitable size i guess that would also generate more income. I will leave it in your suitable hands.

Question: What were yo doing last night between the hours of 1 and 3 am?

Answer: I was working hard on new legislation to improve the lives of Americans everywhere.

Question: What was the nature of your relations with Ms. Lewinsky?

I defer to my wife. :p:D



Why do politics make for strange bedfellows?

Answer: It turns out that strange swingers make the best politicians.


Question: How did you break into politics?

Answer: I campaigned on a platform of raising public awareness of the plight of blind, orphaned reptiles all across this great country. And the reptiles responded.

Question: Where do you stand on the Amish question?

Answer: I am in favour of it.

Regarding the Amish answer however, i think it would be unfair to comment until a full and independant review has been undertaken by a fair and independant body (chaired by my close sicilian friend Alfonso Liggio - hope the donation was appreciated Alfonso)

Question - are you in favour of prostitution?

Answer: I think this is a subject that required immense personal study, carefully considering all the potential ramifications of any decision. I will be proposing a select legislative committee be formed to consider the issue more fully.

Question: Which is better for the country ... higher taxes or less spending?

Answer: I see the merits of both. I mean if We raise taxes that will cut down on the public going out to do needless spending, and I'm all in favor of that. :thumb: Of course We would cut down on spending as well and only spend that which We have raised from the public. Which would be good for the government. Right? :D

Question: How can we stop global warming?

Answer: Global Warming is a problem which will require a global effort to resolve. Until that political will is achieved local efforts will be unsuccessful.


Question: What is you position on Federal term limits?

answer: my position is to hold my hands togeather in front of me, lean forward and frown slightly, so that when i speek slowly and deliberately it will sound like my oppinion is based on inteligence rather than blind panic.

question: is felation sex and if not what are my chances if i ask Pixie Sprite not to have sex with me?

The polls and voter surveys indicate that the majority of the American public considers that a matter of personal concience. Government should not try to regulate the exchange of oral sex between Pascal and Pixie Sprite.

Question: Should the national government institute a "tropical storm tax" to prevent or reduce the damage done by the illegal immigration of tropical systems from the Atlantic accross our borders?

Illegal immigration is certainly troubling, and the government does not have enough money to set up an adequate boarder patrol along the Gulf seabard, which is the entry point for both benign and terrorist tropical storms. I recommend we increase taxes and institute the Draft so that we can properly protect our borders from all intruders, corporeal or no.


Are you in favor of gay marriage?

Answer: I categorically deny any false rumors spread by my partisan opponents.


Question: Is it true that your staff “sexed up” your electronic encyclopedia entry?

If you liked the encyclopedia entry, then you can safely assume it was all true. If you didn't like it, then I have evidence showing that my opponent actually doctored up the encyclopedia entry in order to discredit me.


Have you ever met Osama bin Laden?

All of the information provided to date indicates that such a person does exist and that he has, indeed, been met. However, the information has not yet been confirmed to be authentic, therefore we're proceeding on the assumption that such a meeting may or may not have actually taken place.


Do vaginas secrete tasty liquids when tongues are applied directly to them?

This is an area of research that I would like to use my good office to pursue and investigate thoroughly. I think it's important that political leadership in this field is essential to assure that the public can be assured their tax dollars are being effectively used and offer my services to further that study.

How do you feel about ham and beans?

[to Islamic and/or Jewish interest group] Beans don't need ham. After all, how do you think the precious pig feels about being combined with legumes? Beans can be tasty with hot sauce or with cheese, but ham is definately not needed. Americans should become more moderate in their consumption of ham and beans. When I am made President, I will ban all ham from cans of beans as a testament to the religious sensitivity of the American people.

Should the city water system be privatized?

The ongoing debate about privatizing the city's water supply boils down to two opposing points.

One plan merely expands the water supply and associated distribution network framework to include a role for personal water investment accounts. In this view, the surplus water doesn’t actually leave the city water supply, but remains in the personal liquid account part of the program and is used solely for retirement water consumption benefits. .

However, under the other plan, by contrast, the surplus water is not used for retirement water consumption benefits at all, but is diverted out of the city water supply and used to pay down the national water supply debt.



Should a finger be introduced into the anus during oral sex?

Of course, the question was ambiguous since it wasn't specified whose anus the finger would be introduced into. That ambiguity makes it more difficult to be definitive in responding to this question, however, it is certainly a penetrating question that deserves more attention.

In view of the obesity problem, should fast food use be regulated?

America is the land of the free. The government should not limit Americans' access to food of any type. However, fast food restaurants should provide more healthy options should the American choose to eat more healthy. Let's bring more choice to the American public!

What should be done about E. Coli in spinach?

The spinach shortage is a growing crisis, threatening the spinach-independence of future generations. Spinach use is increasing each year. If America doesn't find E. coli-free spinach soon, this country will be forced to rely on imported spinach, leaving her vulnerable to political manipulation of the spinach supply, as happened with with oil supplies with such disasterous results during the OPEC oil embargo during the early 1970s.

America needs more domestic sources of E. coli free spinach. As a partial answer, I propose a comprehensive approach, including investigating alternative spinach sources. These would include, but are not limited to, geothermal spinach; solar spinach; wind-power spinach; nuclear spinach; and lastly, exploration of the Alaskan spinach reserves.

Question: how would direct the Department of Homeland Security to respond to the growing threat from fanatical groups to tie down our public servants, and tickle them with feather dusters?

Answer: I propose that all Feather Duster operators be licensed, and unlicensed Feather Duster operators be sentenced by Military Tribunals to appropriate prison terms.


Question: What can be done about the problem of Science as a Creed?

A - I feel it is inappropriate to comment specificaly on this issue until the senate committee has reported back.

I can say that i have every confidence that once the facts have been obtained, and the Creed to Science ratio is know that it will enable this government to develop a policy that will be appropriate at that moment in time.

Should this entail unilateral action against Iran, then this will be because there will be compelling evidence that this action is essential to bring the redress the creed/science balance. That or they just came up in the white house social committee "invasion of the month" sweepstake (we really must stop printing that on official paper).

Q - what is the time?

Answer: It is time to replace the short sighted, inconsistent policies of the other party with the balanced and carefully considered guidelines which I promise to implement after being elected..


Question: What is your position on monetary policy?[/QUOTE]

A - The more moderate pace of expansion and the stability in resource utilization, when coupled with less pressure from the prices of energy and other commodities, should contribute to an environment in which inflation expectations are contained and inflation edges lower. Moreover, ongoing solid gains in productivity should work to limit increases in unit labor costs.

That having been said, as the rate of increase decreases, or moderates for that matter, the sole purpose of accentuating the positive can only occur by eliminating the negative. But don't mess with Mister Inbetween. That's another discussion altogether. One that would definately warrent it's own focus group.


Q - Do elevated testosterone levels contribute to Global Warming?

Answer: Current research indicates that elevated testosterone does tend to “pump up” the amount of hot air in the atmosphere.


Question: What is your position on paid overtime?

answer: if you pay me overtime, i will assume any postion yowant me too ;)

question: why has the washing up not been done yet?

A - Studies such as that conducuted by The European Institute of Cleanliness make it absolutely clear that most are opposed to washing up of any kind and by whomsoever perpetrated. At the same time they believe that there is a serious imbalance and a calculated one-sidedness in the portrayal of this measure.

Q - Have DIY tv shows led to a shift away from off-white walls to vivid colors?

A. Political correctness has moved out of the beltway and into the lives of most Americans is one perspective on this cultural shift.

Q. Do you anticipate global consensus on the importance of preserving the snail darter species?

Answer: I propose that a Blue Ribbon commission assembled to determine how best to export the snail darters to other countries so that a truly global consensus for preserving this endangered species can be built.


Question: What is your position on eliminating elections altogether – on the basis that they get in the way of day to day living?

A - Americans have neither the time nor the ability to grasp the complexities of so many issues to make informed and educated decisions like this. That's why we are here. They trust us to handle things so they don't have to. It's my belief that the way of the future will eliminate the need for citizens to vote altogether. Let us make these decisions. Let us do the job you put us here for!

Q - Are powdered wigs making a comeback?

Answer: The Powdered Whig Party has always taken a principled position on both curds and whey.



Question: What can be done about all that litter?

A: Some have proposed bigger litter boxes, but while my research isn't complete yet, I'm thinking corks offer one possible alternative.

Q: What is your position on mass transit?