hooking up

[omen240]

why do men who just want sex turn off women? Are there no women who just want a sexual relationship? Does the way men think of it simply repel women? Thoughts are appreciated from women. Thank you.
O

[Loulabelle]

OK, but you're not going to like it!

It's important that even no strings attached sex is with a man you can trust.

It's important that when you have sex with a man you get as much out of it as he does - otherwise why the fuck would you bother? A man who can't be bothered to form any kind of relationship with you, is hardly likely to spend time in bed making sure you're satisfied.

Fortunately for men, most women are attracted to men based on their personality more than their looks. Most women would be happy to have no strings attached with Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt but since most men are considerably less attractive than that, they need to get to know a man before they find him attractive enough to sleep with.

A lot of men have the uncanny ability to make a girl feel dirty, degraded and used after sex, which is not a pleasant sensation. There are plenty of professionals out there, and if you want nothing but sex, you could just pay for it, so why on earth would most women want to be treated with less respect than that and give it away for free?

Think about it - would you get naked alone with a stranger who is probably bigger, heavier and stronger than you, and then let them put a part of their body inside a very intimate part of your anatomy, knowing that if they wanted something that you didn't, you'd pretty much be powerless to stop them? No? That doesn't sound like fun? Well then.



For the record, there are women out there who are happy to have casual sex and while many of them are healthy and happy people, there are also a lot of women out there who have emotional baggage and are damaged. Some women have casual sex with men because they get a warped sense of self esteem from it and who think sex = love. In having casual sex with random women, it's possible that you'd be taking advantage of vulnerable people, and the only way you'll know how to avoid that situation is if you get to know the woman first. If you don't care about taking advantage of vulnerable people, then you'll probably never get the kind of great sex buzz you're looking for with a woman who is confident, together and sussed.

[Loulabelle]

Oh and if I just want a great sexual relationship, I have one already with my right hand and my rampant rabbit.

[Casperr]

Oh and if I just want a great sexual relationship, I have one already with my right hand and my rampant rabbit.
But I want a great sexual relationship with your right hand and rampant rabbit!!!!!

And yeah, a lot of what Lou said makes sense. I also think women tend to equate emotion to sex much more than men do, and it's harder or rarer for a woman to have the same 'shag and forget' mentality.

[Loulabelle]

It's true Casper, I agree. Every man who has sex with us is potentially impregnating us (despite using all the appropriate methods of contraception, of course) - it's our nature to be fussy and it's not in our nature to 'shag and forget'. I have never had sex with a man that I didn't think would be a decent father - it's not a conscious choice, but if he's not even interested in me as a person why the hell would he be interested in any resultant offspring?

[omen240]

very interesting... you put it into a new light.

[Wicked Wanda]

...decides to carefully back away from the post...


WW

[Casperr]

LOL. You're a rarity, Wanda.... in a very good way :D

[Wicked Wanda]

I know...

(((CASPERTG)))


:boobs:

WW

[CunningLinguist]

Sex is MUCH riskier for women.

Sex is also MUCH easier to come by for women.

It's not really a mystery if you look at it form a risk vs. reward perspective.

[omen240]

Keep the comments coming. I have never been much of a one night stand person. Causual dating almost always leads to a realtionship for me. Perhaps some people can not just date. Thoughts

[omen240]

Any thoughts Wanda?

[osuche]

I agree with much of what Lou says - especially about many men having an uncanny ability to make women feel demeaned after sex. I've never understood how I can walk away - a normally confident and happy woman - and end up feeling less a person.

I think socialization is a part of the issue. Many women worry about their reputations. I do.

I think women are wired differently - regardless of the man's attractiveness, it takes a while for a woman to want to have sex with him. For me - I have to like who he is as a person - even if I don't want him as a husband/father.

I think having an orgy/multiple partner experience is different - you walk into the situation expecting/wanting semi-anonymous sex. Pairing, I think, is more about the magic of compatability and pheromones for this lady.

[Oldfart]

Until you understand at some level the interrelationship between lust, ego and social expectation, you are a social deer in the headlights.

[Wicked Wanda]

Any thoughts Wanda?

I reacted the way I did because as it is well known here, I fuck around a lot.
A LOT.
By the way, here I use the word "fuck" to include sexual encounters with other women, as well as with men.
I have written about this too many times here to repeat it.
I have discussed turn ons, turn offs, my thoughts on men's behavior, (and Women's!) and my life as an sexually agressive actively bisexual woman who was NOT looking for Mr Goodbar, until I was getting tired of it.
(I am only sort -of aware of what happens in that movie, mostly because well meaning friends are always using a 30 year old movie to remind me how dangerous my life was.)
In some odd way I thought that if I offered advice on the mistakes men made when trying to hook up, somehow it would filter down to me, and getting hit on would change for the better if men and women just knew what they did wrong. I was overly optimistic.

Do a search if you wish, and read all of it.

When I was in NOLA, I created two very distinct and seperate lives.
One was a life of total physical unrestraint. I fucked more or less anyone.

The other life was about my Nursing career, my parent's friends, (especially those who felt it was their Divine duty to "watch out for me") and my activities as a local businesswoman/property owner.

I built a really thick, high wall between those worlds.

Here in Texas, I have in many ways re-created myself. I decided to buy my house and stay here for a while. I know I have a minor reputation here in some small circles as a "party girl", and an easy pick up. I don't care.

In Houston I have become a highly sought after guest for swinger's parties. I am having a hugely good time fucking around. I am not sure why, but I don't worry about it. I am enjoying my life, working only when I want to, and fucking whom I want to.

Your situation? You are going to places where the Women there are most likely looking for something deeper than a quick fuck in the back seat of your car or BJ in the back of the bar.
Sex parties? As a single guy you will have a lot of difficulty getting invited to parties that are only about sex. At least any party I would want to go to. (too many single men= problems)

Have you considered (As Lou and others have already pointed out) when a Woman decides to fuck someone, She risks EVERYTHING? Have you truely realized that She risks Her physical and mental health, the possibility of pregnancy, Her reputation with friends, family, community, Her self image, Her happiness, and of course, Her very life? And Her respect?
For Herself and for you.
Lou and Osuch have already pointed out that men have the ability to make us feel pretty much like trash after sex. How? Why?

(The next part is not personal, not about you, but a general thing.)
I have met men who like you just wanted sex. There's nothing wrong with that, as often that's all I want. So sometimes I say yes.
But God help you if the words "bitch, cunt, whore or slut" are heard from you. Yes I may be all of those things, but that's MY issue not yours. Treat me that way, and expect to be left standing there with your cock in your hand, wondering what happened. (with maybe a bruise and a bite too).
Even while on my back with my legs spread open for you, or on hands and knees getting fucked hard from behind, or even on my knees sucking you off, I demand respect. I demand thoughtfulness, consideration of me as a Woman, as a Person, and some thought as to whether or not I am having fun.

I have always considered myself an unusally good judge of character when face to face. I notice all the things that lead me to decide whether or not to trust this person, even if it's for just one night, or 20 minutes in the ladies restroom.
Maybe you need to consider the signals you are putting out. By imitating other men's behavior, you may be sending the kind of message that a woman might not find attractive when she's just looking for a quick fuck.

Oh fuck me, that went on 'way too long.

(WW is still running her brain on a post multi -orgasmic high and caffeine)

Sorry,

:box:

WW

[Casperr]

^
|
|
|
|
God, that lady is just so awesome!!!!

But I want to underline and emphasise Wanda's little disclaimer about that last part:
(The next part is not personal, not about you, but a general thing.)
Cos I don't think that's the sort of person omen is. And WW didn't mean to imply you were!

But if I could pick you up on a point there WW, you said "Your situation? You are going to places where the Women there are most likely looking for something deeper than a quick fuck in the back seat of your car or BJ in the back of the bar."
So, that left a gaping question needing an answer!!
Where should guys be going to find sexually aggressive, shag-and-forget but mentally healthy women? Is it possible in this day and age?
Or do men have to either pay for sex or be deceptive and charm the pants of a lady now if he wants a fuck?

Just hypothetical questions, more for the sake of stirring the pot than anything else.

[Casperr]

Bah! Now my post goes to the next page, and my Up arrow just looks stupid now!

Damn you internets!

[Wicked Wanda]

(((CASPERTG)))

I know what it meant, hon.

And no, I don't have answers for omen.
One possibility is getting to know the local swingers community via adds.
A couple advertising for a second male for example. (they are up front about whether or not they are looking for a bi male, I think)
If they attend parties, that might be your way in.

WW

[Loulabelle]

If it's any consolation, as a woman, finding a clean, respectful, trustworthy, considerate, sexually liberated and giving man for a sex only relationship is even more difficult! I mean, how do you sort the toads from good guys as well as being up front about not wanting a romantic relationship?

When I split with my ex, I wanted sex but knew that I wasn't emotionally ready for a relationship and that it would be unfair on a guy to enter into anything romantic (men have a tendancy to fall for me for some strange reason). Since I couldn't find any suitable partner, I ended up single and sexless for nearly a year.

Incidentally, I believe that men too often have emotional needs that they try to fill with sex, so sometimes, perhaps it would be better to see if you can get those met in other, healthier ways and be happy with your right hand for the physical needs. Just a suggestion.....

[themi01]

Damn Lou love your insight . AS for men falling for you ? I would hate to insult you by choosing just a few atributes

[omen240]

I appreciate what you wrote in wanda. Actually, all of you. Thank you for your comments and insights.
O