~~MOM~~ 22 years later~~

[LixyChick]

I wasn't going to do this today. After all, it's been 22 years already! But I woke this morning and I couldn't shake this looming feeling. It is an anniversary that no one wants to hold in remembrance...but we do.

I am over the pity party...I am over the need to hear the sympathy...I am over the anger...I am over the feeling of being lost in this big world...I am over most of it. But, I am not over the greed of wanting her back...if just for a moment...to say I love you soooooooooooo much and to say I am sorry for being such a shithead at times...and to tell her THANK YOU for giving me life!!!

Let me tell you a little bit about my mother. Caroline was a pip! She had quirks and psycological needs that'd make your head swim. But she was kind, and loving and funny, and had a more open mind than anyone I have ever met...EVER! She had insight into the future...but I'm sure she'd still be in awe of just how far we've come in 22 years. She had limitations because of her religious upbringing and following...but she could suddenly come out of herself and shock you with a snippet of sexual inuendo that would make her giggle and you blush! She sacrificed her own basic comforts for her 5 children...but never blamed us for her sacrifices...instead, taught us that that's what parenting means. She was both Mom and Dad...when Dad failed to live up to his end of the deal. She cried when things were so very funny...and she'd lighten a sad moment with a silver lining story. She was the perfect role model for "how NOT to direct your life", and she did it with such grace and flair that you'd swear she had the answers but just never thought to ask the questions! That was my Mom...that was Caroline...and I miss her as if she had died yesterday!

I talked with two of my sisters today, and they both said the same thing to me. What is it about this particular anniversary? It's been 22 years for crying out loud! How is that a landmark number? All I could think of is...it's landmark because it's for Mom!

I share a lot here at Pixies...and I just wanted to share my mood of this day as well. I don't need any pity (as I said, I'm over that). I actually don't need anything from you guys (my 2nd family) except for you to read about the woman I've been thinking bout most today!

TY for your indulgence!

[fzzy]

Lixy ... I know she was a remarkable woman .... because her legacy in you is so remarkable! My mom is still here and I love her dearly, I've lost others from this life, but the thought of not having her around, well I don't like to think about it, but I'm here to offer support and love and anything else that might make this day a bit easier today and for all the years (and I hope you have MANY of them) to come. :)

[LixyChick]

((((fzzy))))

I've always appreciated your words for the expression of true caring I can literally feel behind them! It eases me just to know that you've read and understand!

Seems we'll be here for a long time to come...and that's a comfort, to know our friendship has longevity!!!!! TY sweety!

[rabbit]

Lixy, thanks for sharing your Mom with us. Great story and a great gift to you and your family.

(((Lixy)))



rabbit

[BigBear57]

Thanks Lixy Darlin', that brought a tear to my eye Hon. She must've been one helluva lady.. she raised one of my favorite people! I understand missing someone special.

[Lilith]

((((((((Lixy))))))) I can't say I know how you feel but I do know that someday I most likely will. Sending thoughts of comfort and nourishment for your soul.

[Sharni]

Mums are certainly a special thing!

[osuche]

(((Lixy))) ~ The feeling of sadness and loss never goes away. Some days it is worse than others. The best you can do is remember the good times, and cherish her spirit. Your mom sounds like a remarkable woman....thank you for sharing a little bit of her.

[sodaklostsoul]

Your mom sounds like my mom. Mom's are great ladies!!! Hope mine will be around for many more years to come. However I do miss my dad, wish he could have seen my daughter.

*Huggs*

[Oldfart]

It's nearly 10 years since I lost my mum, but I see reflections of her in

my brother and sisters (not me) and her grandkids.

Good to see you've held her memory close.

Write down as much as you can (names and dates) so the next generation can know

her as deeply and well.

[PantyFanatic]

..... What is it about this particular anniversary? It's been 22 years for crying out loud! How is that a landmark number? All I could think of is...it's landmark because it's for Mom!......

Maybe because "22" was so important to her. :rolleyes:












;)

[Galatea]

She sounds just like my mom too. Thank you for the remembrance and the reminder that I should make the most of the time I still have with my mother. ((((((((((((((Lixy))))))))))))))

[Loulabelle]

((((((((((Lixy)))))))))

Thank YOU. That was so beautiful; my eyes are full of tears now. x

[nikki1979]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))



~nikki

[LixyChick]

Hugs to you all...(((fzzy, rabbit, BigBear, Lilith, Sharni, osuche, sodaklostsoul, Oldfart, PantyFanatic, Galatea, Loulabelle, nikki)))...

I was having a moment and I knew I could share it here and be understood! You guys are wonderful and I love you all!

And...something interesting just dawned on me. I said in my earlier post that I had talked with two of my sisters yesterday. I have 3 sisters living and my brother is dead. The one sister I couldn't get hold of is my mother's namesake...Caroline. She has 5 children as well...1 boy and 4 girls. Ohhhhh...I'm just thinking out loud again, I guess! Hmmmmm.........

[maddy]

thanks for giving us another peek into your world Lixy. (((lixy)))

[imaginewithme]

Thinking of you. Keep your chin up so you can see her smiling down on you, today and every day. Sounds like the perfect mother

[Irish]

Lixy---Take it from me-Enjoy your memories!
EX:My mother is 92yrs old.She is in an assisted living home.(Expensive!!)My
oldest daughter & her two kids,recently visited her.My mother,introduced her,
to the other residents & staff,as her neice & her children.She didn't even
realize,that it was her granddaughter & great grandchildren.She was married,
to my father(deceased) for over 50yrs.She knows,of him,but knows nothing
about him(sad).She knows that I'm her son,but that's it.When I visit her,
she'll ask me the same thing,that I told her 5mins earlier.As they get older,
they start to lose(expectedly) it. Sometimes, I think, that it's too bad,that they couldn't stay,as the wonderful person, that you remember! Irish
P.S.She's sharp as a tack,in some ways,but has slipped in others!

[WildIrish]

Mrs. WI lost her mother 14 years ago and feels it every holiday and every year on the anniversary date. It's her mom, and it's your mom. And your mom sounds wonderful Lixy. (((Lixy)))

[Aqua]

((((Lixy))))

For gosh sakes woman... I can hide a hard-on pretty well, but how I am gonna explain these tears if someone comes by my desk? It's times like this when I wish I could visit Pixies at home and not have to choke back emotions when someone shares part of their life like you have done... and I am glad you trust in us that you can share your mood, be it good or not so good. Your Mom sounds like she was truly a beautiful person, thanks for sharing her memory... :) :grope:

[flutelady]

What a truly beautiful tribute to your mother.... and what a lovely legacy she left.

My heart is full ((((Lixy))))

[wyndhy]

thank you for sharing that with us lixy. it's wonderful...beautiful...and what makes it so is not only the kind of person she was and the kind of mom she was, but that she left such a gift of memory with you and despite her faults...or perhaps because of them...you can feel her close to you still. after all this time has passed you can love her just as much as you ever did and feel her presence in your life and see what her take on the world may have been. after all this time she is still mothering and guiding you. if i can leave my children with half the legacy your mother left for you, i'd consider myself lucky indeed.

[Belial]

:hug: (((Lixy)))

Don't really know what else to say...but thankyou for sharing :hug:

[Teddy Bear]

Started to write a serious, thoughtful, caring reply but then I read Aquas post.......
Damn! All those thoughts flew outta my fluff-filled-teddy-bear-head and were replaced by images of Aqua with a hard-on. :D

*pounds the side of my head, saving those thoughts for later* ;)


((((Lixy)))))
Thank you for sharing your memories with us. They are very special.
For me they serve as an example to tell my loved ones everyday how much they mean to me. Never let a day pass without saying 'I love you' and I'm glad you're in my life.

[LixyChick]

Awwwwwww...geezzzzz you guys! (((((maddy, imaginewithme, Irish, WildIrish, Aqua, flutelady, wyndhy, Belial, Teddy Bear))))) You are all so wonderful for understanding what I was trying to say here! So sorry if I made anyone sad...but if from that saddness you call your mother, or remember good things about her, or just tell her TY, then it makes me happy to be the kick in the pants you needed!

Love you guys!

[boilergirl1]

As i sit here tears rolling down my cheeks I am glad that you chose to share this at this time it reminds me that we spend to much time waiting and not enough doing where our loved ones are concerned that said i will be on the phone first thing in the morning to my mom instead of waiting til thur when we'll all be there for the holiday. again thank you and please consider yourself Hugged tightly! and smiled upon by those who care
bboilergirl1 aka schelagh

[LixyChick]

(((boilergirl1)))

Atta girl!!!!