-ll- Apology -ll-

[Lilith]

How powerful is an apology? I was reading an article about DRs. being trained to apologize now for their mistakes especially when offerring settlement compensation. This in an effort to "do what is right" and to stem off larger law suits. Got me wondering....

Have any of you ever had a DR. apologize for a mistake they made?

Did it make you feel better or cause you to react differently than you would have, had they not apologized?

When my last child was born it was the best day of my life and yet a debacle. The next day the OB/GYN came to my room and apologized for misjudging some things and I could see in his face he was truly sorry. While I was still angry, I saw him as human and realized that while his poor conclusions made a bad situation worse, his expertise and quick thinking resulted in a sucessful resolution to the crisis.

[PantyFanatic]

I read of the same topic within the last couple weeks. I have a problem with a course for “Appearing Sincere 101”, especially when motivated by concern about “settlement compensation”.

But I also believe the persons that become medical doctors are among the smartest, most dedicated, hardest working members of our society. I believe they are the most well intended, consistent and conscientious human beings among us. “Human” being the key word . The interface of the diametric legal profession with medicine is not going to further ANY aspect of medical development and care for an imperfect specie being maintained in an imperfect world.:sad:

[wyndhy]

it would depend upon the sincerity of the appology and the nature and severity of the mistake. doctors are human, true, but they can also be arrogant and ignorant.

a little off-topic here...i know this will sound sexist but there have been a few doctors i've delt with that just didn't listen to my concerns, ideas or opinions, dismissed them out of hand as a matter of fact, and they were all male. (let me clarify here that i have seen male doctors that were wonderful, as well) now, i realize they are the experts of the science but i am the expert on my own body, so for goodness sake don't look at me and roll your eyes or scoff as if my remarks are off-the-wall. the most important and beneficial thing a doctor can do is listen and many of them are too busy thinking how far behind they are with their patients (maybe if they scheduled appointments in a more realistic time frame this wouldn't happen) or too busy giving me stats and showing off their command of latin. i am not an insurance claim and i do not appreciate being blown off. the art of doctoring, in general, has been turned into a business and lost it's ancient principle of do no harm. of course they need to make money, i'm not disputing or minimalizing that fact, but maybe if they acted more like humans and less like god's gift they wouldn't get sued at every turn. just maybe some of theses frivilous law suits are a way for patients who feel that they have been not only harmed but also dissed in some way to get some sort of respect back. they are going about it the wrong way, that's true, but in a litigeous society it is the only way they can be "heard".

[osuche]

You know, I just had a female doctor the other day who didn't listen to a damn thing I said. <sigh> I think the art of listening is one they should teach in med school too.

Lil, I am with you. If you apologize and seem sincere, and if the screw-up seems totally possible (no one else could have caught it, and there was no perpetuated stupidity evidenced), then I am likely to forgive. For instance, some mistakes were made inthe hospital by a doctor who emminently caused my grandfather's death. If he would have apologized, I woulda likely forgiven him......cause he insisted he was right, we demanded an autopsy and eventually proved he had made the wrong call. :(

Cold comfort, though.

[IAKaraokeGirl]

My daughter was born, as was my son, by c-section. After staying the three days after delivery, they released us both on a Friday morning. I was back at the hospital within 12 hours with a temperature of 103. Of course, the doctor and others suspected an infection. For a week, they plied me with high-potency antibiotics through an IV. As I was breastfeeding, they were limited on where they could put the IV, though, as behind the elbows was not an option, and the strength of the antibiotics caused the IVs to fail after no more than 24 hours, more often less than that. After a week of playing "Where can we put the IV now," I was a basket case. They even *mentioned* having to change the IV again, and I would immediately burst out in tears. Never mind the fact that, since she had been released, my daughter could stay in my room but could not go to the nursery to give me any kind of break. Finally, the doctor ordered an ultrasound...and discovered a pocket of blood where the wall of my uterus had ruptured. After draining it, the temperature went away and, two weeks after delivery, I finally went home.

At my first follow-up visit, the doctor did apologize for assuming the more common cause of a temperature post-partum. Somehow, though, it seemed to ring hollow for me. I later moved and had another doctor and, when I told him what had happened after delivery, he told me that he'd heard of things like that happening, so it wasn't totally uncommon and not really preventable. That, for some reason, made me feel better than the doctor who had "caused" it.

[WildIrish]

I've yet to hear an apology from a doctor, dentist or weatherman and have been screwed by all three. I'm not fond of the "these things can happen, it's nothing we can't fix" defense. Especially when their fix is going to cost me even more money. Hell, even my mechanic apologized to me the one time he was wrong, and he made the situation right at his expense.

The best was my eye doctor, who prescribed me reading glasses because I told him the highway signs were looking blurry. :confused: When I went to a different doctor two years later and informed him of my concerns and told him all about my headaches, he said "You have to understand that doctors know everything...all you know is that you can't see." :bang: It was only after I asked him if I needed stronger reading glasses and a seeing eye dog, that he cracked a smile. Dick!

Where was I? Oh yes...my balls. They haven't quite worked right since I got fixed. You'd think someone would say "sorry they hurt" but no...to say sorry means you either admit you missed something or did something wrong. And that paves the way for a lawsuit. That's why they rarely do it.

Tirade over :rant: Please put your seats in their upright position and prepare for landing.

[gekkogecko]

To me, an apology is largely irrelevant-other than to acknowledge that there is a problem.

I want the problem fixed, at least as fixed as it can be.

[osuche]

Where was I? Oh yes...my balls. They haven't quite worked right since I got fixed. You'd think someone would say "sorry they hurt" but no...to say sorry means you either admit you missed something or did something wrong.


SOunds like you need some sex therapy for your balls. Maybe you're doing something wrong. I'd be happy to check and see what the problem is. :D

:hot:

.......and if you don't enjoy it, I promise to say "I'm sorry." :D ;)

[OzKristin]

i used to think apologies didn't mean much, but I've learned that to my bf it means a lot..I still have trouble believing any sincerity in any apology I get. I do however love the phrase "To err is human, to forgive is devine" and am trying to live like that nowadays.

[lakritze]

The last thing you want during surgery is to wake up and hear the doctor say;Nurse,pick that up off the floor and dust it off for me please. I heard this report on NCR and found it interesting.

[WildIrish]

.......and if you don't enjoy it, I promise to say "I'm sorry." :D ;)


Mistakes like that are just gonna end up costing me more money. :rolleyes: :D

[Lilith]

To me, an apology is largely irrelevant-other than to acknowledge that there is a problem.

I want the problem fixed, at least as fixed as it can be.
Some things can not be "fixed" ( nor would I change a thing about him) and so I appreciated his sincere apology because really it was all he could do for me at that point.

And wyndhy~ a Dr. who's attitude and arragance made my life a living hell was female. I still consider slashing her tires everytime I see her car in her parking lot :p

[Aqua]

And wyndhy~ a Dr. who's attitude and arragance made my life a living hell was female. I still consider slashing her tires everytime I see her car in her parking lot :p
Note to self... do NOT piss off Lil. I may be 1890483097439279 miles away but I have no doubt I would be tracked down and made to suffer... :nuts:
(Of course this is not a new realization by any means :p )

[wyndhy]

yeah, i know that just because the doctor's a woman doesn't mean she'll be a better communicator (figured that comment was gonna come back and bite my ass :D ) i guess it's just been the luck of the draw. so far, anyway. either way an arrogant doctor is a jackass regardless of gender. i think you *oughta* slash her tires. we won't tell. what happens at pixies stays at pixies ;)

[Summer]

I use to give all my animals their shots. When I moved to Tallahassee, FL from Atlanta I realized that FL law didn't allow me to do so anymore. I took one of my new pups to the vet (which was a new vet for us too). He was to get a shot that was to be given in the muscle. The vet gave the above the pup's shoulders in the skin. I casually said was that shot a sub or intra and before I could finish she quickly looked at the vile. She immediately apologized and asked for the pup to stay the night at her house so she could monitor him. Then she also said that the rest of his puppy shots were on her.

So yes an apology really makes a difference. If there is away to make things better that is just icing. I would have been ok with just monitoring him through the night.

FYI the puppy is now 10 years old and doing just fine!

[LixyChick]

I don't like doctors appologizing to me unless it goes something like this...

*hand extended...concerned look on face* "Hello Mrs. Lixy. I'm soooooooo terribly sorry for making you wait 1 and 1/2 [+] hours for an appointment to see me. I know you're in pain/discomfort/snot running down your face...et al: and I have no right scheduling appointments for every 15 minutes when I know damn right well I can't get to my next patient for at least 1/2 hour or more. I listen to everyone's concerns and I am a good doctor when you finally get in to see me...but I have no common sense or caring in asking you to put your life on hold to sit in my stinky waiting room and catch who-knows-what from all the other sick people in there waiting for who knows how long. I should know better than to think that is why you are all called patients. Yep! Patience and patients are two different things and I am so sorry that I just now realized that"!

In my book...we are all human and prone to err at times. An appology wouldn't be right if a lawyer is standing behind it. On the other hand...the expectation of an appology wouldn't be right if a lawyer is standing behind it either! Seems to me that lawyers have ruined this whole "doctor/patient relationship" thing. All I expect is, if the doc makes a mistake and realizes it in time...he/she make it better to the best of their ability ASAP...and don't act like nothing was wrong. And...do it without that oh-so-fucked-up condescending attitude!

[Summer]

^^^ I feel ya Lixy on the lawyer deal. But I do believe they are doing a service that a patient hired them for.

[WildIrish]

snot running down your face...et al



Stop...you're making me :hot:! ;)

[nikanik]

The best doctor I have had is my current doctor. But the only one that had to apologize to me was a woman I told her I was having pain in my lower region and since I was young she told me I needed to stop having such rough sex. My mom ended up rushing me to the hospital because I passed out later that day and turns out that I had a ruptured cyst on my ovaries. She apologized but I stopped being her patient that day because she made it sound like it was a bother to even apologize.

[imaginewithme]

What I would give to hear a certain doctor in my town apologize for not giving me the time of day a about 4 years ago. If he would have checked me out just a tad more, my whole life could be different today. I wouldn't have gone on to a million other specialist to end up confirming what he suspected, after it was too late. Every time I see him, I could just scream.

But apologies are important. Yes, it may be admitting you are wrong at something, but peoples feelings are on the line. I find it important to apologize to someone if I have hurt them, so wish others felt the same.