one million

[musicman]

21000

[Tess]

21001

[musicman]

21002

[MilkToast]

--21003--

[MilkToast]

--21004--

[MilkToast]

--21005--

[MilkToast]

--21006--

[MilkToast]

--21"007"--

Bond, James Bond.

[MilkToast]

--21008--

[Tess]

21009

[MilkToast]

--21010--

[MilkToast]

--21011--

[MilkToast]

--21012--

[MilkToast]

--21013--

[Tess]

21014

[musicman]

21015

[SuccubusKitty]

21016

[musicman]

21017

[MilkToast]

--21018--

[Steph]

21019

[Sharni]

#21,020

[Steph]

21021

[Sharni]

#21,022

[Steph]

21023

[Catch22]

21,024

[GusAspar]

21,025

[Steph]

21026

[Catch22]

21,027

[musicman]

21028

[MilkToast]

--21029--

[Steph]

21030

[dancingrugger]

21031

[Tess]

21032

[jennaflower]

21033

The bear and the rabbit

There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes.The bear went first and he said,"I wish to be the only male bear in this forrest." And he got his wish.
The rabbit said, "I want a motercycle helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.

The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet." And he got his wish.

The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay."

[jennaflower]

21034

What did the thirsty whale do?

































Bit the tail of a submarine and sucked out all the seamen

[jennaflower]

21035

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."






Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

[jennaflower]

21036

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

[jennaflower]

21037

What does J.Lo and a doorknobs have in common?























Everyone gets a turn.

[jennaflower]

21038

What do Brittany Spears and PEPSI have in common?













































They both have plastic juggs.

[jennaflower]

21039

Why don't witches wear panties?


























Better grip on the broom.

[jennaflower]

21040

There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.
The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"

They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"

[jennaflower]

21041

A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."

The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."

[jennaflower]

21042

Heaven's New Policy

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day. The next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of Heaven. The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died."
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. She appeared to be having an affair, but her lover was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So,the Angel announced, "Ok, sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.

A few seconds later the next guy came up. The Angel said, "Before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died."

"No problem," said the second man. "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. Having been under a lot of pressure I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move, and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story. "I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well," the Angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he lets the man enter.

A few seconds later, a third man comes up to the gate. The angel says," Please tell me how you died." The third man says,"Ok, picture this. I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

[jennaflower]

21043

A guy goes to his eye doctor for an examination. They start talking as the doctor is examing his eyes. In the middle of their conversation, the doctor casually says, "You need to stop masturbating."
The guy replies, "Why Doc? Am I going blind?"

The doctor says, "No, but you're upsetting the other patients in the waiting room."

[jennaflower]

21044


Bad Case of the Stutters

A man had a bad case of stuttering. He went to many doctors over the years, but none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him "I believe I found the reason for your stuttering".
The man asked, "Wha.. wha.. wha..what is my pro.. pro.. problem."

The doctor replied, "Your penis is very, very large. The weight of your penis is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your stuttering. The only solution to this is to perform a penis transplant." The man was really tired of his stuttering, so he agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor. The transplant operation was successfully performed and the man could speak without any stutter.

At first he was happy, but after a while he began to miss his large penis, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said, "Doctor, I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stutter, but I miss my old penis. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we have to exchange penises back."

The doctor shook his head and replied, "That's im.. im.. im.. impo.. impossible."

[jennaflower]

21045

Special Remedy

One day a guy goes to his doctor and says, "Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife." They both laugh.

A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, "How are you feeling?"

The patient smiles and replies" You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home.

[jennaflower]

21046

What Are Politics?

A kid goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what are politics?"
His dad replies, " Put it this way; I am the breadwinner of the family so I am capatilism. Your mom is the owner of the money so she is government. The government is the provider for the people so you are the people. Your baby brother will be the future, and the nanny is the working class. Now think about that."

So he went to bed. He was woken by his brother. The baby had pooped in his daiper. He went to tell his parents, but he only found his mom asleep in the bed. He didn't want to wake her, so he went to the nanny. The door was locked. He checked through a hole and saw the dad in bed with the nanny. He went back to bed. The next morning, he went to his dad and said, "Dad i know what you mean now."

"You do? Tell me."

"OK, while capatilism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, while the people are watching the future being pooped on!!!"

[jennaflower]

21047

Fix This

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well, then could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. "Honey, how'd this all get fixed?"

She said, "Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either sleep with him or bake him a cake."

He said, "So, what kind of cake did you bake him?"

She replied, "Hellooooo... Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?"

[jennaflower]

21048

What is the differnce between a golf ball and a G-spot?














A guy will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

[jennaflower]

21049

What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common?















They can smell it but they cant eat it!!

[jennaflower]

21050

A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, "Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?"

The fireman says, "No!"

The guy then says, "Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for."

[musicman]

21051

[Steph]

21052

[musicman]

21053

[MilkToast]

--21054--

[musicman]

21055

[MilkToast]

--21056--

[jennaflower]

21057

[musicman]

21058

[Sharni]

#21,059

[Pegasusx62]

21060

[Sharni]

#21,061

[dancingrugger]

21,062

[Catch22]

21,063

[MilkToast]

--21064--

[KittehKat]

21065

[GusAspar]

21,066

[Steph]

21067

[Catch22]

21,068

[Steph]

21069

[Steph]

21070

[dicksbro]

21,071 with 978,929 to go!

[dicksbro]

21,072

[MilkToast]

--21073--

[dicksbro]

21,074

[musketeer]

21,075

[musicman]

21076

[musicman]

21077 - couldn't we change the name of this to 21, 077? LOL

then we'd be done seeing as the guy who started it is no where to be seen!

[MilkToast]

--21078--

PIXIES "ONE MILLION" THREAD END CALCULATOR
-Toast

start time: 9-May-2003 9:59 PM
reply goal: 1,000,000
current time: 20-Jan-2004 10:01 PM
reply count: 21,078

still needed: 978922 replies
elapsed time: 256 days 0 hours 2 minutes

reply rate: 82.3 replies/day
OR 3.43 replies/hour
OR 0.057 replies/minute

time to goal: 17,120,778 minutes
OR 285,346 hours
OR 11,889 days
OR 33 years

est. achievement date: 9-Aug-2036 8:19 AM

[Pegasusx62]

21079

[jennaflower]

21080

[jennaflower]

21081

[jennaflower]

21082

[jennaflower]

21083

[jennaflower]

21084

[jennaflower]

21085

[jennaflower]

21086

Is there anyway that the powers that be will allow us to post more often than every 30 seconds on THIS thread???

[jennaflower]

21087

[jennaflower]

21088

[jennaflower]

21089

[jennaflower]

21090

[jennaflower]

21091

[jennaflower]

21092

Penis Requests a Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths
I plunge head first into everything I do
I do not get weekends off or public holidays
I work in a damp environment
I don't get paid overtime
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
I work in high temperatures
My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight
You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
You do not always follow the orders of the management team
You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
You'll retire well before reaching 65
You're unable to work double shifts
You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management

[jennaflower]

21093

Q: What did Saddam Hussein have in common with his father?















































A: Neither knew when to pull out!

[jennaflower]

21094

An executive was stessed out. He had to fire one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, either Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, since they were both equally qualified and both excellent workers. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go.
Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and the executive approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off."

Debra replied, "Could you please jack off? I have a terrible headache."

[jennaflower]

21095

At a high school an English teacher is busy with work as a student approaches the teacher and asks when the test final test will be. She tells the whole class and a smart-ass jock raises his hand.
"What if that day I just stayed home because I was sexually exahausted?"

"Well, I guess you'd just have to use your other hand to write with."

[jennaflower]

21096

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes."

"I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."

The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.

The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge", whispered Mildred.

"What", said Marge.

"I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred.

"What makes you think that", asked Marge.

"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred.

"Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them all."

"I thought so", said Mildred, "But this one is eating my popcorn!"

[jennaflower]

21097

A leprechaun walks into a bar, and he see's a sign that says: "Win a pot of gold if you can make the donkey laugh."
The leprechaun decided to go for it, and he succeed in making the donkey laugh. So he goes to the bartender and asks for his pot of gold. The bartender says, "Ok, but first you have to tell us how you did it."

The leprechaun says, "I can't tell you, it's a leprechaun secret."

So the bartender says, "Then I can't give you the pot of gold." The leprechaun gets very angry and walks off.

He comes back the next day and sees a sign that says: "Win a pot of gold if you can make the donkey cry." So he trys it, and he makes the donkey cry.

He goes up to the bartender and asks for his pot of gold. But the bar attendant tells him, "First you have to tell me how you did it.

So the leprechaun says, "Alright, yesterday I told him I told him that I have a bigger penis then him, and today I showed him."

[jennaflower]

21098

A truck driver had a 2 day lay-over during the St. Patrick's Day holiday. He was getting bored with just sitting at the truck stop cafe, so he decided to go for a few beers. After about the 4th one, he had to use the bathroom badly. He went into the bathroom, and he was peeing, lhe ooked into the next stall and noticed a leprechaun whose penis was HUGE!
"Let me ask you something...how come short guys have bigger peckers than tall guys?"

In his heavy Irish accent, the leprechaun looked up and said, "I don't know laddy, i'm a leprechaun".

With that, the trucker reached out and grabbed him and said, "Well guess what? I caught ya!"

"Aye lad, that ya did, but your wishes won't come true until tomorrow morning".

The trucker was confused by this, "Why not? You're a leprechaun, I caught ya, so you are supposed to grant me 3 wishes."

"Well", began the leprechaun, "you don't know anything about us leprechauns. We get a day of the year off and it happens to be St. Patrick's Day." Well, the trucker understanding this made his 3 wishes. He wanted to own his trucking company, he wanted every woman he saw to desire his body and he wanted 10 million dollars in the bank, tax free. The leprechaun said it would be done in the morning. On his way out of the restroom, the leprechaun says, "Lad, would you like to have your wishes come true tonight?"

"Well yeah, but what's the catch?", came the reply. "Well, you gotta let a leprechaun corn-hole ya." The trucker, at first protested, but then the leprechaun reminded him of all that he would be gaining in few precious moments. Thinking about the money, the company becoming his and ALL those women, he agreed but told the leprechaun not to tell anyone. When it was all over, the leprechaun was getting ready to leave, turned to the trucker and said, "Laddy, can I ask ya a question?"

"Sure", says the trucker.

"How old are ya now?"

"I'm 40 years old" says the trucker.

With that, the leprechaun says, "You mean to tell me that you're 40 years old and still believe in leprechauns?"

[jennaflower]

21099

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. His face is all bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what in the world happened to you?".
The guy says, "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"

"She hit me with her bag of quarters!".

[jennaflower]

21100

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton has brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten. They began their brain-storming and came up with the 11th.

After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:

"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."

[musicman]

21101

[Sharni]

#21,102

[MilkToast]

--21103--

[denny]

21104

[MilkToast]

--21105--

[denny]

21106

[MilkToast]

--21107--

[MilkToast]

--21108--

[MilkToast]

--21109--

[MilkToast]

--21110--

[MilkToast]

--21111--

[MilkToast]

--21112--

[MilkToast]

--21113--

[denny]

21114

[Sharni]

#21,115

[kleclere]

21,116

[dancingrugger]

21,117

[kleclere]

21,118

[Steph]

21119

[kleclere]

21,120

[dancingrugger]

21,121

[kleclere]

21,122

[Sharni]

#21,123

[Catch22]

21,124

[Sharni]

#21,125

[Catch22]

21,126

[Sharni]

#21,127

[Catch22]

21,128

[Sharni]

#21,129

[dicksbro]

21,130

[Sharni]

#21,131

[dicksbro]

21,132

[Catch22]

21,133

[Sharni]

#21,134

[MilkToast]

--21135--

[Steph]

21136

[Justin]

21137

[Steph]

21138

[Catch22]

21,139

[Steph]

21140

[Justin]

21141

[Steph]

21142

[fenderchick]

21143

[Sharni]

#21,144

[IAKaraokeGirl]

21,145

[Sharni]

#21,146

[dicksbro]

21,147

[MilkToast]

--21148--

[Scarecrow]

21,149

[dicksbro]

21,150 with 978,850 to go

[rockintime]

Twenty one thousand one hundred fifty one

[dicksbro]

Twenty one thousand one hundred fifty two.

[MilkToast]

--21153--

[SuccubusKitty]

21154

[musicman]

21155

[dicksbro]

21,156

(and congrat's on 6900 posts musicman! :))

[SuccubusKitty]

21157

[dicksbro]

21,158

[musicman]

21159

[dicksbro]

21,160

[musicman]

21161

[dicksbro]

21,162

[musicman]

21163

[dicksbro]

21,164

[musicman]

21165

[dicksbro]

21,166

[Catch22]

21,167

[Sharni]

#21,168

[MilkToast]

--21169--

[Sharni]

#21,170

[Steph]

21171

[Sharni]

#21,172

[Steph]

21173

[Sharni]

#21,174

[Steph]

21175

[Sharni]

#21,176

[Catch22]

21,177

[dicksbro]

21,178

[MilkToast]

--21179--

[dicksbro]

21,180 with 978,820 to go

[Steph]

21181

[dicksbro]

21,182 ... HI STEPH :D

[lexi]

21,183 - This could take forever!

[Steph]

21184

[Catch22]

21,185

[Steph]

21186

[IAKaraokeGirl]

21,187

[Sharni]

#21,188

[dicksbro]

21,189

[kleclere]

21,190

[dicksbro]

21,191

[IAKaraokeGirl]

21,192

[dicksbro]

21,193

[MilkToast]

--21194--

[dicksbro]

21,195 with 978,805 to go

[musicman]

21196

[musketeer]

21,197

[dicksbro]

21,198

[Tess]

21,199

[dicksbro]

21,200 with 978,800 to go

[MilkToast]

--21201--

[Sharni]

#21,202

[Catch22]

21,203

[Sharni]

#21,204

[musicman]

21205

[Sharni]

#21,206

[Steph]

21207

[SuzyQ]

21,208 It is going to take forever to get to a million

[dicksbro]

21,209

[Scarecrow]

21,210

[dicksbro]

21,211

[Sharni]

#21,212

[musicman]

21213

[musicman]

21214

[musicman]

21215

[musicman]

21216

[musicman]

21217

[Sharni]

#21,218

[Steph]

21219

[Sharni]

#21,220

[IAKaraokeGirl]

21,221

[Sharni]

#21,222

[dicksbro]

21,223

[dicksbro]

21,224

[dicksbro]

21,225 with 978,775 to go

[musicman]

21226

[White Noise]

This could take a while.

Anyone got any cheese?

[musicman]

21228

anyone cut the cheese? what are you asking WN? LOL

[White Noise]

I'll eat a slice of cheese each time I post on this thread.

I'm going to need some donations to help get me across the line

[MilkToast]

--21230--

[Sharni]

#21,231

[Steph]

21232

[Sharni]

#21,233

[Steph]

21234

[Sharni]

#21,235

[Catch22]

21,236

[Pegasusx62]

21,237

[Steph]

21238

[Pegasusx62]

21,239

[musicman]

21240

[MilkToast]

--21241--

[Sharni]

#21,242

[musketeer]

21,243

[Sharni]

#21,244

[MilkToast]

--21245--

[musicman]

21246

[Steph]

21247

[musketeer]

21,248

[Sharni]

#21,249