Pixies Place Forums - all about shit

DragonLady

04-03-2003, 05:45 PM

speakin' of stink......

Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane when the first guy turned to the second and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The second guy, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, took off his glasses and said to the first guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the first guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said the second guy. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass.The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the first guy. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said the second guy, "how is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know sh**?"

PantyFanatic

04-03-2003, 11:27 PM

I got this in today’s mail and had to share it. DragonLady has given us a place for a giggle.

Subject: Why the chicken crossed the road..........

George Bush's Answer:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle the road here.

Al Gore's Answer:
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

Bill Gates' Answer:
I have just released chicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook -- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of chicken.

Martha Stewart's Answer:
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Dr. Sues' Answer:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

Ernest Hemingway's Answer:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr's Answer:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa's Answer:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Barbara Walters' Answer:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

Jerry Seinfield's Answer:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Pat Buchanan's Answer:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Aristotle's Answer:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Saddam Hussein's Answer:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Albert Einstein's Answer:
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Sigmund Freud's Answer:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.

L.A.P.D.'s Answer:
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.