The Love Dress...lol

[Vintage Vixen]

:p
Woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married
son's house.
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked
to see her
daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked.
Soft music was
playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work,"
the daughter-in-law
answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law
explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked! "My husband loves me
to wear this
dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end.
Every time he sees me
in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and
ravages me for hours on
end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she
undressed, showered, put
on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a
romantic CD, and laid on
the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally,
her husband came
home.
He walked in and saw her laying there so
provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?"

[Vintage Vixen]

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room waiting for the doctor to come in. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, found it somewhat below normal and asked if the baby were breast fed or bottle fed.
"Breast fed" the woman replied. "Well, strip down to your waist" the doctor ordered. The woman took off her blouse and bra. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed, rigorously, through
examination. The doctor then told her to get dressed.

"No wonder this baby is underweight" the doctor said. "You don't have any milk."
The woman said "I know, I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

[Vintage Vixen]

THIS ONE'S BAD


Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home.
> Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded
garden behind the
> center to sit and ponder his accomplishments and
long life.
> One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the
garden. They begin to
> chat,and before they know it, several hours have
passed.
> After a short lull in their conversation, Howard
turns to Mildred and
asks,
> "Do you know what I miss most of all?" She asks,
"What?" and he replies
> "SEX!!!" Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you
couldn't get it up if I
> held a gun to your head!"
> "I know,"Howard says, "but it would be nice if a
woman could just hold it
> for a while." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred,
who unzips his trousers,
> removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
> Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in
the garden where they
> would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Howard's
manhood.
> Then, one night, Howard didn't show up at their
usual meeting place.
> Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Howard and make
sure he was O.K.
> She walked around the senior citizen home and found
him sitting by the
pool
> with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding
Howard's manhood!
> Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What
does Ethel have thatI
> don't have?"
> Howard smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"!

[Vintage Vixen]

http://www.wsu.edu/~lobo/dirty/Mouse.gif

Too funny

[Lilith]

Originally posted by BiSexyBabeDD
THIS ONE'S BAD


Howard is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home.
> Every night after dinner, Howard goes to a secluded
garden

This is one of my faves......sick sick sick.....I know:D

[Vintage Vixen]

I wasn't sure how that would be taken,but i figured wtf someone sent it to me this mornin :)

[PantyFanatic]

Enjoyed every one of those BSB.:D When we can’t laugh at ALL our conditions, we have REAL problems.:(









(…..and YES! There is a difference between laughing and mocking)




[except bald jokes]:rolleyes: lmao

[Vintage Vixen]

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMEN

1- Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2- Walk to the bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3- Look at your womanly physique in the mirror- make mental note to do more sit-ups.
4- Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.
5- Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
6- Wash your hair again to make sure its clean
7- Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave in hair for 15 minutes.
8- Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
9- Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and juffa cake body wash.
10- Rinse conditioner out of hair.
11- Shave armpits and legs.
12- Turn off the shower
13- Squeegee of all wet surfaces in the shower. Spray mold spots with Telex.
14 Get out of the shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
15- Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.
16- Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
17- If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge off the bed and leave them in a pile.
2- Wak to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your wiener at her making the "woo woo" sound.
3- Look at your manly physique in the miror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
4- Get in the shower.
5- Wash your face.
6- Wash your armpits.
7- Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8- Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
9- Spend the majority of the time washing privates and surrounding area.
10- Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck in the soap.
11- Shampoo your hair.
12- Make a shampoo mohawk.
13- Pee.
14- Rinse off and get out of the shower.
15- Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on the floor because the curtain was hanging out of the tub the entire time.
16- Admire wiener size in the mirror again.
17- Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on the floor and the lights and fan on.
18- Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull towel off, shake wiener at her and make the "woo woo" sound again.
19- Throw wet towel on the bed

[ozfuzz]

> Sequel to a fairy story
>
>
>
> Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now
dead
> Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by
> from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship.
>
> One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.
> Cinderella said 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these
> years?"
>
> The Fairy Godmother replied "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good,
> wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is
> there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
>
> Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful
consideration
> and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:
>
> "I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension." Instantly, her rocking chair
> was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful
> cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering
> with fear.
>
> Cinderella said "Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother".
>
> The Fairy Godmother replied "It is the least I can do. What does your
heart
> wish for your second wish?" Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and
> said:
>
> "I wish I was young and full of the beauty of youth again"
>
> At once, her wish having been desired, became reality, and her beautiful
> youthful sage had returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had
> been dormant for years and long forgotten vigour and vitality began to
> course through her very soul. Then the Fairy Godmother again spoke "You
> have one more wish, what shall you have?"
>
> Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said:
>
> "I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome
young
> man".
>
> Magically, Alan suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his
biological
> make-up, that when complete he stood before her, a boy, so beautiful the
> like of which she nor the world had ever seen, so fair indeed that birds
> begun to fall from the sky at his feet. The Fairy Godmother again spoke:
>
> "Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life."
>
> And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone. For a
> few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
>
> Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she
> had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in
> her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He leant
> in close to her ear, and into her ear breathed as much as whispered,
> blowing in her golden hair with his warm breath
> > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > Wait for it............
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > nearly there,
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> "I bet you regret having my b*llocks chopped off now, don't you b*tch?"

[sweetc0rn]

LOL~

thanks for sharing BiSexyBabeDD & ozfuzz! It was really funny! It really wind me down from a hard day at work ;)

[Vintage Vixen]

LMAO...Who said Cinderella lives happily ever after:)