How do I trust again/am I asking too much?

[BlueSwede]

I apologize; this will be long. I've been in a LDR for 1.5 yrs, had 3 mos left to go before we could finally be together; he'd asked me to marry him, though, over a year ago. Suddenly he dropped off the face of the earth so to speak. The pain is tremendous, but I have accepted the fact that he is gone. I have 2 questions.

I'm 54, RN with a master's in Chinese studies, very liberal, left-wing politically, nonhomophobic, nonracist, nondrinker, nonsmoker, nondrug user, and nonreligious (a nonpracticing Buddhist), with a very high sex drive. I'm nonmaterialistic, an introvert, who loves to learn. I read a lot, don't watch TV. Believe in giving everything I've got to a relationship and that it's a partnership; I don't expect my spouse to support me while I sit home on my butt. And I gladly practice stuff suggested in How to Light His Fire. I'm not bad looking; will never be a size 5, but am curvy in the right places. Most of my partners have wanted to come back for more when it comes to sex; I'm definitely a giver and love variety.

Questions: How can I ever learn to trust anyone again, and am I asking too much (are there any guys out there anymore who'd want what I have to offer at my age)?

[kleclere]

There are always people out there who take and never give back. Never give up hope, there is a guy out there for you. Please have faith and don't give up on yourself and others. And just like fine wines a woman only gets better with age. Let us help or talk if you need. Ken

[MsTerious]

BlueSwede,
I wish I could help you. But if you ever find the answer, will you share it with me?
@};-

[Murphy]

Blue Swede, I do hope that you find happiness soon enough....a friend of mine (OK, a VERY close friend) is your age and is married to a very loving man, who cannot, or will not perform, so to speak. She has since found a way to have her desires fulfilled, and still keep the love of her man....in your case tho, I hope you find it all in one package....

[Sugarsprinkles]

BlueSwede,
Let me answer your second question first...........I am your age and I can personally attest to the fact that YES there definitely are men out there, or in here, whichever the case may be, that would want what you have to offer "at your age". Acutally, I've been very surprised just how little age matters anymore. It has more to do with YOU than it does with your age, or size or any other externals.

And as far as learning to trust again....you just have to do the best you can to put it behind you and try again. Before I met my husband I think I dated every loser known to mankind. It got me down sometimes, but I had to believe that not all guys were like that. And I was right, they aren't all like that. You just need to take it one step at a time and begin trusting just a little at a time.
I know it sounds trite, and cliche`, but I don't know a better way to say it.

[jennaflower]

BlueSwede...

Would he by chance happen to live in Northern Virginia? I say that half jokingly.. BUT..

I know exactly what you are experiencing.. it wasn't long ago that I had the very same experience. For me, it has been 2 years this January since the rug was pulled out suddenly from underneath me.. and I am still emotionally recovering. I can't tell you when, or even if, you will be able to trust to the degree that you did with him, I really wish that there was some sort of set time table..

I am sorry for the pain that you feel...

I will tell you one thing that I have learned from my experience, now 2 years later, I see where I am today and I am thankful that I didn't relocate, that I didn't leave my family and friends.

If you need to talk.. give me a holler..

[aloha2002]

Hello jennaflower

[MsTerious]

See Aloha, was that so bad? ;)

[aloha2002]

No it was not..

[aloha2002]

Tell me about yourself MsTerious

[MsTerious]

Lesson #2

Don't hijack someone else's thread.
Especially an advice thread.
Go to a general forum and start your own thread.
Or, post in other threads in the general forums.
Eventually, you'll get to know people.
And by doing it the right way,
You've got a better chance
Of being liked.
OK?
:)

[Uncle Silky]

but i specialize in gankin threads for my own personal use.

[BlueSwede]

Ken, Murphy, MsTerious, Sugarsprinkles, and jennaflower, I want to thank you so very much for your kind and helpful replies. I still feel like an eviscerated deer strung up for the blood to drain, but I am not asking "why?" as many times each day. I still grieve for what could have been and am in shock over what is, but at least I have resolved myself to the fact that I have to stick around for my kids' sake and can't check out. I haven't allowed myself to think that there actually may be someone else out there for me, and I still wonder if I will be able to trust my own judgment, much less trust him. Hopefully it won't be that long before I will believe that all three are possible. Thank you again. :)

[MsTerious]

((((BlueSwede))))

[jennaflower]

BlueSwede..

I understand.. and yes.. you do have your kids.. for me that is what really got me thru it..

((((((((hugs)))))))))))) take care of you... and the more you do so.. the quicker you will recognize that you are the one that will be okay :)

[Vintage Vixen]

Sometimes it has helped me in the past to go with that saying"what goes around,comes around".I was with someone who screwed me over big time,but beleive me the M.F. got his.And i didn't do a thing..the person that he left me for screwed him out of 10 grand ...put it in my acct she said so d.o.r. can't get it.He did ...and she threw him the F out:) Bottom line is he'll get his...karma i guess you'd say.Keep the faith though,and know you have alot to offer someone.
DO UNTO OTHERS..LOL CUZ PAYBACKS A BITCH. The part that sux in my case is the loser is my son's "father".

[Oldfart]

BlueSwede

A lot of long distance relationships can't survive the short distance

attractions. Nature of the animal, with the best of intentions.

A short distance relationship "just for fun" sounds like a tonic.

You have to learn to like and trust yourself again before you muddy

the waters with another relationship.

Learn to have fun (not necessarily sexual) without strings and see

where that leads you.

Give them hell!

[BlueSwede]

Thanks, Oldfart (smile).